Ugh, it is beginning to happen and I do not like it. The slow and inevitable creeping of age. Onward and upward but I have to admit I feel anything but happy. No, this is one inevitability that I dread everytime that I wake up. Peter Pan, say goodbye and all that I can feel is bits and pieces of me, slowly disintegrating into nothingness. Is this what has come to me after years spent educating myself in the hope of a better life? After listening and obeying in the spoils of my youth, just as I am about to attain financial and personal freedom, will my body let me down?
It was a few years ago that I first noticed the signs. Pepper. Yep the black stuff that comes in the condiment rack at any major or minor eatery up and down the country. The next thing I found that was a no-no was cucumber skins. Odd. Two distinctly unrelated foodstuffs could have such a similar reaction on me. Indigestion.
Food aside, my body is actually serving me very well. What worries me isn’t my body caving in, but it actually stopping altogether. For the first time, I feel mortal. Don’t get me wrong, I never thought I was going to live forever. But now I actually realise that this life will not go on forever.
And the scary thing isn’t my death but what I have done with my life so far. A quarter of a century on this planet and nothing I have done has been particularly Earth shattering. And now I feel that life is slipping through my fingers and all I have left are hopes and dreams but no hard results. There is so much more I want to do, nay, I need to do and yet I feel so hopeless, being carried away on the wind of time. However, I won’t let it stop me. For what I want to do, my hopes and dreams is what keeps me going. Only now I am acutely aware how much time has already passed. Now the remaining years have to be lived to the full.