Coffee Pop

The holiday season is almost upon us and despite the fact that we will be working right up to the last minute; it would be appreciated if the following could be noted:

1.       The franking machine is for business use only.  It’s not a free postage perk.  If you want to skip the queue for stamps at the Post Office make sure you speak to the person who franks the company mail and pay the right amount of postage to petty cash.  You should also note that office staff are not here to frank your personal mail but are willing to show you how to use the machine.  Don’t try using the machine after the office staff go home in an attempt to get your cards mailed out free – we keep a daily log of the numbers on the machine so we KNOW when it’s been used after the business mail has been taken for the day!

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2.       Tis the season to be merry!  We reserve the right to hang decorations – tasteful or otherwise – in order to bring some Christmas festivity into the office.  We will keep it as understated as it’s possible to make aging tinsel and baubles appear.  NOTE: the mistletoe is for display purposes only, it’s not to be used as an excuse to sexually harass the staff, or an incentive to get a project completed ahead of schedule!

3.       The office party will take place at the stated time.  Management should note that reception will not be manned at that time, nor will office personnel be answering the telephones.   Any attempt to bring last minute work to office staff to be completed by the end of the day of the Christmas party will result in mutinous stares, muttered oaths and a curse that your Christmas be filled with cards from people you forgot to send them too!

4.       Although it’s not in the conditions of employment, flexible lunch hours on the days immediately before and after Christmas are appreciated, and will be remembered throughout the coming year – as will the failure of management to supply an appropriate holiday token of their appreciation for the work the office staff have undertaken. 

The office staff take this opportunity to thank you for your understanding of our small Christmas quirks and wish a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year especially to those who appreciate it’s the little things (like an early finish the day before Christmas) that make the difference between a mediocre boss, and a great one!

Things have been spiralling out of control recently and so it’s time to remind all staff about some issues of office protocol.

1.        The right place for your dirty coffee cups is not on the front desk.  Reception is the first contact visitors have to the office and looking at the science project that’s been brewing in your cup over the weekend doesn’t create the impression that our company wants to present to the outside world.  The receptionist would also like it pointed out that whilst she has no objection to the occasional fresh cup of coffee appearing on her desk as a token of appreciation, she resents the fact that despite her efforts to keep the desk polished and her plants alive, some of you still mistake the area as the kitchen sink. 

Correct Protocol:  All dirty cups and other assorted plates, cutlery etc should be taken to the staff kitchen, washed and put away by the person who used them.

2.       When reporting a piece of equipment as being defective please be prepared to answer certain questions about it.  You may find it useful to keep a note of things such as serial numbers etc in your desk drawer so that when the maintenance people ask you what make/model your computer is for example, you can tell them more than it’s got a keyboard, mouse and runs on a Windows platform!   You should also ensure that before placing a call to maintenance to report a fault, you check that if the faulty equipment runs on batteries, you’ve tried replacing them and it still doesn’t work, or if it’s electrical that you have made sure that the plugs to both the equipment and the power supply are connected – Finance Department are not happy about the amount of call outs for “faulty” equipment where the only “fault” is that someone took out the plug and forgot to plug it in again!

Correct Protocol:  Check equipment for identification numbers and possible reasons for it not working before reporting a piece of equipment as faulty and requiring maintenance – “Unplugged” is not a fault.

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3.       Deadlines are for the final document to be in the hands of the person or committee that needs it, not the date that they arrive on your secretary’s desk!  There are too many overtime requests being made by secretaries working for bosses who play solitaire.  This is resulting in stressed overload in the office and a general hostile atmosphere against management that is not conducive to the team spirit the company wishes to promote.

Correct Protocol:  Schedule your deadlines and workload so that you give adequate time to your secretary to get the work back to you without having to work through her lunch and weekends in order that you don’t get into trouble for it being late.

Protocols may be boring, but they make much better team mates than resentment and hostility, so keep your dishes clean, your equipment working and your deadlines organized and you’ll find office staff don’t stop talking immediately you walk into the room!

There is something to be said about freshly fallen snow. It's white. It glistens. But it's more than that. The snowfall seems to recreate the world and give new perspective on life.

I know it has for me – I was recently hit by a car while riding my bike…so not particularly the best week I have ever had. I was riding my bike along a marked and well-known bike path in the city, when an older gentleman decided to open his door without looking to see if anyone was approaching his parked SUV. (As a side note, who on earth could possibly need an SUV besides park rangers and people who live in mountains terrain? Certainly not any city dweller I know–) I don’t exactly remember what happened, as I hit my head (thank goodness for helmets!) and blacked out for a few seconds. A the end of the day, I need to purchase a new frame for my bicycle, new helmet–and new trousers, as I now have a large hole in region of my bum. I have been walking around all week with a headache and a bad BAD mood–

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…and then it snowed. Up until the point of snowfall, I thought "this city is awful. My head hurts. My leg hurts. People are mean, no one knows how to drive or walk in this place and it's dirty."

Then it snowed.

Now my city is beautiful – it is clean, it is fresh. Little kids are out running around, throwing snowballs. I can see my breath frozen in the air. While snow on the roads and a dented bicycle frame will keep me from riding for awhile, the snow has restored  my feeling of “goodwill towards men” to its proper place. Really, a fresh snowfall (especially the first one of the year) wipes the slate clean.

I have the sudden urge to lie down and make snow angels. Life is good.